I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
