Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
