There was a lot of him and a little penis
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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