Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
