we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
