..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
