I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
