I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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