Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
