I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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