Screwed.edu
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
