i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
