dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
