it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
