every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
