Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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