I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Donโt drink the Bloody Mary - itโs vodka and salsa.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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