Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
