She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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