That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
