I am spending my child support on dildos
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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