Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize