Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
