Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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