and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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