When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
