ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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