I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
