my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
