i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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