Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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