I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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