shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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