Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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