i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
