If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize