how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize