i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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