awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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