i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I met the friendliest cop last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
