My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
