He passed out mid-signature
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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