He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize