I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
