Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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