evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize