you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Watching her eat just hurts me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
