I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
