thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think your dad took our porno
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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