Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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