Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
