Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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