I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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