I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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