Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
