I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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