I hope mine doesn't look like that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
