I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceaƱera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize