Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
