apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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