Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
