So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just had sex bonerless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
