I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
