I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
where are my eyebrows?
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