Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize