I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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