Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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