I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
