you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
