You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize