3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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