i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize