he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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