Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
