I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
