im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
