Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
