i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
