What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
