First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
