She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
