so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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