smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
