I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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