i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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