im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize