I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
