Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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