omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
